hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
