Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
