Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
