For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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