You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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