I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
