I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i will never coherently bang her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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