Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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