I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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