Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize