If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
