Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
