they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
