What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
