JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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