I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
