Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize