I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
