Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
