why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
