I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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