Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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