I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
