Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
