don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
