how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
