The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
