All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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