you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
