Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
