Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
