So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
