it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
