When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
