It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
