someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
