dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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