i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
