Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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