she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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