similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize