What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
