We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
