Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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