Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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