After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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