I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize