she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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