I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
