I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
