I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
