Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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