I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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