i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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