remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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