Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
