are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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