I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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