Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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