I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
