He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drake has all the answers
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize