LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
