The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize