I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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