I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
