Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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