You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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