these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
