My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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