Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
