Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
