so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
