Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
