Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my being single is dangerous.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize