i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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