If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
