she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
