i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
