life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This house was built for laser tag.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
