i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
