If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
