last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
