last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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